4. Denials. Without official denials some cases start to lose their oomph.
Let us get you those denials.
Be warned, denials can sometimes endanger the authenticity of your story.
On the flip side, some abductees claiming abduction and or collusion are
inferring that the reason the Air Force or other Government body isn't
issuing a denial, is because the story is so hot and close to the truth,
that they won't issue a denial which can add credibility to a story.
5. Saucer photography available. Don't get caught with your pants down.
Most contactees eventually manage to snap an unauthorized pic of their
friend's spaceship. Let us take the drudgery out of setting up the often
obligatory pic. We have a broad range of crockery, smoking products and
hats to choose from. Our expert artist can colourise your UFO with various
paint schemes.
6. The total package. We start with your name, then you let us do the
rest. Take the worry out of creating a total fabrication. Let us write
your whole book from when you were driving home that night along the lonesome
road instead of the highway.
We'll start by showing how you suddenly became aware of that 747 sized
light centimetres above your car. How you met your Grimnutsac alien who
befriended and then used a weak mind erasing technique so that you would
be haunted by images of him during the evening.
Need a medical history and photographs of those strange radiation burns
on your arm? No need for pain or running your arm against your vehicle's
exhaust pipe. The team leader here can help with painless make up or digital
photo enhancement. All we need is a photo of your arm with a ruler balanced
on it and an indication from you as to how large you want your burn. Clearly,
there's no need to buy the whole Alien Agendas Media Hype Kit® package (e-mail radiationburns @ alienagendas .com).
Alien implants. An often vital accessory that can really put a spring
in your step concerning financial dividends. The beauty is that after
we take a few snaps of a snot covered paperclip being pulled out of your
nose. You then claim that said evidence was confiscated by the Men in
Black adding impact and further solidifying your story.
The message from your chosen alien to we dumb arse earthlings can range
from "become vegetarians" to "you must stop nuclear testing".
We'll organize the images, proofing and printing.
7. Absolutely useless UFO Blueprints!!! You've claimed to have been on
the ship 80 times. You've been to the moon, snuck up behind the Spirit
Rover on Mars, kicked the tyres and laughed your arse off about it. You've
had a Kabvari lunch on Grimnutsac's home world with his brother Huge.
Now back on Earth, children and the like are all asking uncomfortable
questions. What sort of crew quarters do they have? How do they take a
wizz? You mentioned the Keplar Star Drive, how does it work?
No need to let your enthusiastic listeners see the sweat run down your
face. No need to rely on child like line drawings that show the ship with
big windows around the waist, with little childlike arrows coming from
simplistic descriptions that say "engine room" cockpit, navigation
and weapons. We've compiled (from research) the most likely layout of
alien craft, right from scout ships up to the big suckers, those 1,900
tonne mother craft that bring the whole lot to our solar system through
a maze of worm holes. To be honest, we've taken some CAD drawings of sailing
ships, and Model T Ford engines to create a complex maze of lines that
vaguely look like a pair of dinner plates full of equipment. Shrug off
suggestions that you don't know how the Keplar drive works. "Hey,
I'm not a damned mechanic, I'm a friggin car detailer, I'm lucky to remember
the details I have".
Whilst we here at Alien Agendas believe it's quite possible to write
your own contact experience we fully believe in our product and suggest
that you at least let us consult on your work. These days far too many
people are being abducted by "grays". Let's face it, Grays are
starting to become old hat. Remember when UFOs used to be the shape of
cigars? It's time to move on. Let us create a new alien altogether.
Let us create a new line. Don't let your story get lost in the crowd.
Tired of the same worn out messages e.g. "we are here to educate
you". Hey, set up a damned campus then. No, what you need is something
like. We come from a galaxy far away, so far away the Grayons haven't
even reached the first road signs yet. We are here on a purely anthropological
mission. I liked your head and thought you might like to come on board
and let us take you to your moon".
Then we can work on your second book and or egress "Grimnutsac
has gone back to his world, it was a wonderful experience, I'll miss him".
Great new ideas from Alien Agendas Media Hype
Kit® Don't take the risk. Don't compromise profit and credibility. |